The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their
parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The
next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their
stories.

Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying
hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on
the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and
all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Lucy raised and hand and said, "Our family are
farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a
dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live
chicks and the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens
until they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Lucy," said the teacher.

Oh no, here's little Johnny with his hand up.

"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen.
Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane
got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had
was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank
the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she
landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed
seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of
bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete till the
blade broke and then she killed the last ten with her bare
hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral
did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't **** with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."
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